Word War II T-Shirt

For generations, the Verbs had lived in an uneasy peace. Divided amongst themselves, between the Active and the Passive, they remained locked in a cold war. This peace, however, was not to last. And, when the balance finally shifted, it was the Active Verbs who assumed power. For the Passive Verbs, this meant repression. Several fled West, to the land of the Nouns, but most remained and became subject to the cruellest of repressions. They were marginalised, concentrated, exterminated. And the world stood silent. Years passed and the Active Nouns amassed strength and allies. First, it was the mighty Adjectives, who wanted nothing more than to assert their own meanings on peaceful Nouns everywhere. Next, came the Adverbs: less in number, but even more fanatical in their pursuit of linguistic supremacy. The Nouns, it now seemed, would be forced to stand alone against this Coalition of the Active. And they did. For two years they fought bravely, every Person, Place, and Thing doing his duty to protect his right to simply be. The Coalition, however, was too powerful, had too many weapons; the Active Verbs were masters at -ing warfare. Then, just as the Coalition looked ready to apply the fatal blow to the Nouns and end the war, there emerged the unexpected might of the Punctuation Empire. Roused from its slumber by the deletions of a brash, ambitious Junior Editor, Punctuation joined the war on the side of the Nouns. By infiltrating the enemy’s sentences, Punctuation was able to change their meanings and turn the tide of war. The firing of the Junior Editor and collapse of the Active Coalition soon followed. In less than a year, the war was over. The sentence, at least as we know it, was saved. But at what cost: millions had lost their definitions, entire families of synonyms had been systematically destroyed. It is in their memories, then, and in the memories of all those who fought, that we have an obligation to remember. For these were our greatest words, this was our greatest lexicon.