The Unburnable Gaze: Medusa Gorgoneion Aegis Pot Holder

The Logic of the Shield You are not Zeus. You are not Athena. You are, however, making a tuna melt, which is arguably more important because it is happening right now in the kitchen. But just as Athena needed her Aegis—that terrible, goat-skin shield emblazoned with the head of the Gorgon—to repel the spears of Trojans, you need this polyester-blend shield to repel the scorching heat of a cookie sheet. The Historical Irony (It is Delicious) Here is a fact, a cold, hard fact from the dusty shelves of anthropology: The Gorgoneion (the severed head of Medusa) was the ancient world's ultimate apotropaic symbol. That means it turns away evil. It was painted on drinking cups, carved into temple pediments, and hammered into breastplates. The Paradox: Medusa’s gaze turned men to stone—cold, unmoving stone. The Utility: This pot holder keeps your hands from turning into toast. The Result: You are using the power of petrification to safely handle a casserole. It is a cosmic joke. It is perfect. Why You Must Possess This Square of Fabric: It is Apotropaic: It wards off evil spirits. And by evil spirits, I mean "third-degree burns" and "dropping the roast chicken on the floor." It is Classical: It says to your guests, "I read Homer, but I also enjoy baking." It screams of culture while silencing the screams of your nerves. It is Practical: The polyester front handles the print (the terrifying visage), while the cotton backing handles the grip. The universe is balanced. Do not let the oven win. The oven is a indifferent beast. Tame it with the face of a Gorgon. Buy the pot holder. Save the hand. Eat the lasagna.